Thursday
24th September, equivalent to the 10th day of Dhu al-Hijja in the Muslim lunar
calendar, started as a most promising day. 10th is the day when Muslims
celebrate Eid al- Adha (the feast of sacrifice) denoting gratitude to Almighty
Allah for his mercy towards Muslims to give, instead of a child, an animal in
sacrifice. Dhu al -Hijja is the last Month of the Muslim calendar and one of
the Holy Months during which the Almighty forbids any fighting or aggression by the Muslim Ummah. It
is also the month of the Hajj annual Pilgrimage, one of the five pillars of Islam.
10th Dhu al – Hijja was the day we lost Hajiya Bilkisu, a kind, noble mother
and lover of humanity and peace, to a courageous death in Saudi Arabia during
the 1436 Hajj rites.
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| Late Hajiya Bilkisu Yusuf. photo courtesy of thelead.com.ng |
As
some of us sisters gathered during the condolence visit at her Yahaya Road
residence in Kaduna, we expressed our pain, awe and shock even as we admired
the way she had died serving Allah and we thought about our own end. We cried,
we prayed for her soul and we reminisced about who she was. Aunty Oby (Ezekwesili) described her as ‘accomplished’.
Hajiya Saudatu Mahdi called her ‘selfless’,
I heard another sister call her ‘different’. I watched Mairo Mandara her good
friend remain stoically silent through it all- that communicated the weight of
the loss more than even words could. Charmaine Pereira was calm but I wondered
what raged on the inside. Titi Fakoya said to me later she was ‘pious and
devoted’.
All
these and more describe Hajiya Bilkisu accurately. A networker per excellence
and conversationalist, Hajiya could join in any discourse and express her
thoughts on any subject. A professional and prolific writer, she was sought
after by development partner programmes and governments respectful of her
knowledge of the Nigerian socio – political environment and her pedigree as a
forward thinking Muslim learned woman. She kept good old values and was focused
on what was most essential.
As
someone who has had the honour of working with her on many projects, laughed
with her and been taught many things about life by her, for me, Hajiya
Bilkisu’s greatest asset is taking life’s most profound lessons and teaching
them in ways that are simple and which stay with you for life. She did that
through her writings, teachings, facilitation or just sitting and talking with
you.
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| Late Hajiya Bilkisu Yusuf. photo courtesy of talkglitz.tv |
The
most enduring lesson which she taught me was; guard your word. Some years back,
I visited the house and we got talking about some commitments made and the need
to always remember and follow through. She paused and reached out for a slim
book. She said this contains all my amanah (pledges and debts held in trust)
should anything happen to me the children know where to look. I was awed and
she said to me but you know the longest verse in the Qur’an is about
documenting your contractual agreements. I didn’t know then, but really Surah
Baqarah 2: 282 indeed is. I have since kept what I call my own black book detailing
my debts and financial obligations which is updated every month by the children
themselves, as my witnesses.
Hajiya
Bilkisu taught me simplicity and honesty through the hijab lesson: Once she came
into one of the meeting rooms where I was facilitating a dialogue. She asked me
where we said our salat and I showed her. Then I offered to give her my full
length hijab a piece of sewn cloth with a neck opening so you wear it over your
head and it covers your arms to your hand and flows to below the ankles covering
the toes. She said, ‘uhn-uhn Amina it makes me hot’. She then took her headscarf
and showed me it was two yards of material folded into a head tie! She unfolded
the wrapper and used it as her veil over her long gown- it served the same
purpose and I remembered this was how our mothers used to pray. She smiled in
her endearing way and said, of course. I fell in love then with her retro
sense. No pretentions. Hajiya practiced belief in a way that made worship easy
and made you want to be a better you. Here was someone who knew her religion in
and out but she kept it simple, honest and real. I saw her daughter Nana use
the two wrapper body - cover during the condolence and I remembered our
conversation with her mum.
Appreciative
enquiry: She showed that one could be accomplished yes, but what truly counts
is what you give to others. This began with respect. In the late 1990s, Hajiya Bilkisu was part of
a team that established Abantu for Development in Nigeria; a Pan African
international NGO for girls and women. Everyone who knew her knows about her
passion for the rights of girls and women. She committed time, energy and
resources to the take-off of Abantu. By far what awed me and has stayed with me
since on that project is her lesson on appreciative enquiry. Simply put, you
cannot assume the community does not know the issues just because they cannot
speak Queen’s English. If we are to change the reality for the better for girls
and women we must understand their point of view, uphold the good and find mutual
ways of helping them unlearn the harmful. How do you communicate an issue whose meaning
in the local languages you do not know, she asked us then? Appreciative enquiry
demanded that we respected indigenous knowledge. She helped unravel our core
word then which was ‘gender’. We learnt it was called ‘jinsi’ in the Hausa
language.
Be
you and have no apologies about your belief: Hajiya Bilkisu never shook hands
with the opposite sex. I don't quite manage it but I became quite conscious of
it when I saw her gently explain to a high ranking man, why she could not take
his hand. Out of courtesy, I could not refuse older males who put out their
hands, except those I thought should know better. She however had no scruples
about it. Once I had to, as part of protocol briefing to DfID ahead of their
meeting with her on the Gender in Nigeria report, inform them that she does not
shake hands with men!
The
water lesson: Funny enough, I have always measured Hajiya Bilkisu’s
sophistication by her love of amala.
Though a northerner, her love of that south – west staple meal should be
the envy of any Yoruba person. It could be her one solid meal of the day and
it was usually lunch. Once after a bowl of amala I offered her a drink of
water. She said no, I would only drink water after two hours and room
temperature water at that. I have since learnt that this was a healthier way to
live. I have not always matched Hajiya
Bilkisu’s record of two hours but years after that lesson, I have remained very
health conscious.
Respect
the rules whoever you may be. Recently, she was to facilitate an event – a key
role by all standards. She got to the gate having forgotten her invitation card.
The young members of the planning team, who didn't know her, requested she showed
her card. She indeed went back to fetch her invitation card and came back
slightly behind schedule so I had to fill in for her, for a short while.
Someone else would have thrown their weight around and said ‘don’t you know who
I am’ it was the last time I saw her and the last lesson in humility she taught
me.
A
very cosmopolitan person and true citizen of the world, you could tell this by
the diversity of people who came to condole the family; young, old, Muslim,
Christian, men and women across different ethnic groups and nationalities. You
know, when people pass and you say they were a rare gem out of politeness. In her case she absolutely was/is an
amazingly rare gem. The global civil
society community is in mourning. We have lost an Icon.
Hajiya
Bilkisu made life seem so simple. With her, everything appeared doable. She was
quintessentially human. She lived in the best of ways and died in the best of
ways. Every Muslim wants to die affirming the oneness of Allah and in the
service of that Almighty. She got both wishes. May Allah accept her Shahadah
and grant her Aljannatul Firdaus. May Allah light for her a light in her grave,
as she has lit in many lives.
May
Allah grant the souls of all those who passed in the 1436 Hajj incident, forgiveness
and their families succor and patience, amin.
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| Amina Salihu. photo courtesy of sheforumafrica.com |
Amina
Salihu
12
Dhu al – Hijja 1436 / 26 September 2015
Amina Salihu PhD is well sought after International Development Consultant.
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